some kind of miracle?

today is really lonely.

the fact that it's nine eleven makes me think. and i realize just how afraid i am of loss. how i hear most of my friends saying how crazy their rides are to school things like that, it makes me worry. and it makes me think a little too much  about how afraid i am to lose them. and i just want all of you to know, I love you, don't question it, don't say but or why or anything like that. Don't ask WHY i love you. because I just love you. you all have made an impact on my life and I  would never know what to do if i ever ever ever ever ever ever lost you.

be careful, put your seatbelts on when you get in cars, drive safely and don't be stupid and go fast like its' a cool thing cause it's stupid and you should be safe instead of being dumb and going 800 miles an hour in a fifteen mile per hour speed limit area. just be careful. in everything you do. I love you. I have no idea what i'd do if i lost someone again this year or any year of my life for that matter. if you've never lostsomeone, you don't know just how painful it is.

So go to your mothers and fathers and hug them and tell them you love them, tell your brothers and sisters how special they are. tell everyone in your family that you care. even if you think you "hate" them. tell your friends just how much they mean to you. tell your PETS for crying out loud because they mean something to you.

I love you guys. and even though you know that, I'm still telling you.

another reason that today is really lonely. i keep thinking to myself "when is he going to call?" staring at my phone like i'm waiting for it to jump up and start dancing. I'm trying not to be depressed because I promised myself that I wouldn't be upset if billy didn't get to go anywhere or if he didn't call. but i don't know. maybe i'm just getting my hopes up WAY too high.

*sigh*

just. I love you guys. i shouldn't be worrying about myself. today isn't for selfish feelings. I love you guys.

love

nikki

and i know my heart is beating.